Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
