i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
