Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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