Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
