I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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