i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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