Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
