Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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