why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
