So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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