I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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