also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
