I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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