Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
