Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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