it's too hot outside to masturbate.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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