i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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