He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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