does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
