I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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