my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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