Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
