Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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