So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
