he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
