I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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