Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
