my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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