somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
