So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
