If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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