fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize