Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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