I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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