Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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