did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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