WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
