I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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