There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
