After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
