I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
