I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
