i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
