OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
