I could make wine with my vomit
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
