i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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