FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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