3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
