you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
