WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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