I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
