i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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