Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
