guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
