A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
