Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
