please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize