This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
