I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
