Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
