Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
