two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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