i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
