i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
