It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want nice things and good sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Your penis caused this!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
