Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
