my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
