fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
