Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
